Most of all I would have to say that this class was the beginning of truly knowing me. Tears are welling as I write this, acknowledging the incredible gift it was as well as the courage and tenacity it took for me to get there. Somehow tho, I knew I had to be there but what I received was so far beyond what I could have ever dreamed or imagined and believe me I used to have some pretty awesome dreams.
I sat in the front row and took everything in as tho it would be the only class I would ever have. The beauty and magic that showed in that class has no words I know to express it.
Nothing in my life has been the same since that weekend, I have never been the same, and I have never been happier and with such a sense of possibility and gratitude for living.
For what reason am I sharing this story? Dr Dain Heer is returning to Vancouver for another ESB in April and after a lot of questions and courage I have chosen to go and bring my two little boys to their first big class. I have many reasons and justifications to NOT go. I even did this cute thing where I separated myself from the energy of it, so that I wouldn't perceive it for a while. Yet, when I tap into the energy and what it will create, when I ask what will my life be like in 25 years if I go, I cannot deny this for a second.
The more I create my life the clearer this all is. You see I have multiple futures and this energy out there that I have created with the universe. It is unmistakable to me now the choices and creations that match the future I am asking for. If I follow it, beyond what makes sense or what this reality tells me, then I know more possibilities will show up, even greater than what already has. Everyday I perceive this energy of my life, this magnificent creation, and with each choice that resonates with that vibration I HAVE more of me and my future becomes greater.
Perhaps none of this makes any sense and if that is true I thank you kindly for reading this far. But maybe, just maybe, you know somewhere what I am talking about. Perhaps there is a pull or lightness from these words and if so then I encourage you to create your life, to follow the inconceivable choices that match that energy for you because wouldn't it be nice to truly create your living and have a sense of you? Who you really are? And to finally have the things that create uncontrollable joy and happiness for you?
What would that be like?
In Gratitude For The Curious Seekers,
“The beauty of the Energetic Synthesis of Being means, you get all of you, you get all of everything you can be and have been and haven't been willing to be that you know you are”
~Dr Dain Heer, ESB 2014
My day was filled with ease, joy and glory: parking spots everywhere I went, discount at the kids place I brought Zak to, front row seat with the best view of Xander at his music concert, I even created a Bars® exchange for Sunday at 2am this morning! These are all lovely creations, and truly I am grateful for all of them yet there is a sense of…dissatisfaction.
(*Quickly my attention goes to the google hangout Dr. Dain Heer did called ‘The Potency of the Dissatisfied Dreamer’. If you haven't watched I highly recommend it!)
While I sit here writing, as I do in times like these, I am wondering if all this seems too small what possibility am I aware of that matches the enormous energy of living and being that I have been asking for that I have not yet chosen?
As I ask this question my space begins to fills with an energy; potent and demanding. I continue asking again and again. The energy is now palpable and wonderfully vivacious.
It moves and expands lighting me up as it dances along.
What is now possible to create that I have never allowed or dared to create before?
My wtf has turned to gentle laughter and whimsical smiles. I cannot yet put to words what I have created today. I don't even have a cognitive awareness of what it exactly is but I know it's bigger than a parking spot and will mostly likely ripple a stunning change in my curious universe. How does it get any better than that?
Go HERE for Dr Dain Heer’s amazing Google Hangout
What is dating exactly? For me it is interacting with multiple playmates without commitment or expectation. It is easy, fun, and I always learn something.
One of the things I find terribly enjoyable is meeting new people and playing with sexual energies. “What would be fun to do or be with this person? What intense pleasure could me and my body receive from them? What dynamic gift could I be for them? What words, actions, or energy will entice more play and more receiving?”
YES receiving. When I am in a space of flirtation and play I find that I begin to receive more from that person. The barriers lower and the energy sways between us creating an exciting and unpredictable dance.
Have you noticed a difference in receiving at the beginning, middle, and end of a relationship? Have you noticed a difference in gratitude and generosity?
I do love that first kiss, that rush of blood to my lips and the tingling in all the sweet places. In the beginning I like to explore my playmate’s body and universe. As I seduce them into a state of vulnerability and receiving, I freely adore and nurture their very being and every part of their body.
During the “still getting to know you part” I notice this creative energy, this rhythmic question that seems to ripple like waves through the people at play “what else is possible?” There is wonderment and exploration and it is beautiful and delighting.
Then after some unexpected turn this question gets answered: “This is all that is possible”. Then all creation and wonderment die. Perhaps a bit dramatic… and perhaps not.
This is what I have witnessed and experienced so far as relationship with only a few anomalies that seem to go beyond this. These relationship anomalies do not even seem to show up the way a relationship is supposed to. In fact I am not even sure I would even call them relationships, they seem to be something quite different.
Would I be willing to have a relationship anomaly? Woah... I wonder?
The allure of dating is quite great for me and has these elements of excitement and instability and yet, if I was truly being vulnerable and honest with myself is there a desire here for something different than dating? Something inconceivable? Something I gave up on a long time ago…
Is it actually possible to create with someone in a way that exponentializes everything I am asking for and creating? A relationship without need, expectations or significance, what would that even be like?
Have you ever been adored? Like truly adored without any judgment present?
I have looked into my lovers eyes and received such adoration that I have melted into them, losing all separation, swimming in the bliss of it all. With these rare people I have enjoyed increasingly phenomenal sex, conversation, and yes even creation. And as we part ways I sometimes wonder… what else could have been created if I had been willing?
So here I am without an answer, without a conclusion, but with a clearer sense of me and a new nagging question: what am I aware of that is truly possible with all this that I have defined as unreal, unbelievable and inconceivable?
What if dating or relationship is a question best left unanswered for me? Perhaps instead, I will play in the awareness the question gave me and wonder… what anomaly am I now capable of creating?